Last year a lot of things happened, this year I fought back, took actions, and kinda worked on my checklist. This was a very different year, a year full of things and events.
My mom, whom nobody had ever seen sick before had a major heart attack and I spent my next 2 month, if not physically at least mentally in Jaipur. After spending weeks in Jaipur, I realised she will need me around for more help, it was also the scariest thing in my life and to add to it my support system(my college buddies) had just moved out of Mumbai to pursue new goals.
I moved to Jaipur, left my awesome job at WebEngage, Mumbai and the beautiful full of party life for a job in Jaipur and living with family, but it was not planned to be that simple.
The company I had joined wasn’t the kind of company I would have joined in other circumstances, this new job was needy but, Jaipur is a tier-2 city so there are not many companies and I had to find one to help me with my finances.
This was a needy job and with very bad management, I was struggling, almost fighting every day to survive. Meanwhile, my grandmother got really sick, she always used to be sick around summers but, this time we all knew it was different, she stayed in bed even more, and slowly she stopped doing things on her own, she got paralysed and my grandmother died just before Diwali.
The whole time when she was sick I was busy with mom, new needy job, a new city and everything. I still think I could have spent more time with her at least in her last days. I already had a lot of things to take care of, now I also had the grief of my always loving amma dying and not being able to spend good time with her in her last days.
My mom had to stay in Ajmer, my hometown for all the rituals that followed and I stayed alone in Jaipur, where I had no friends and a fucking frustrating job. and that wasn’t it, while all of this was happening I got really bad with my behaviour(and health, I had to even take sleeping pills too), it resulted into my high school sweetheart realising, she is better alone, we broke-up.
I realised I have seen the minima of my life all I can do is to solve these things one by one and try to be in a better place.
Now that I was in Jaipur, I wasn’t going out much, etc. I had some more time on my hand, and my mom had finally moved with me. I started doing some little experiments with my life.
First, I realised that I can not take life for granted, I saw my mother almost dying in front of me(doctors said her survival chance was 30%), so I started working towards it.
I did all the deathbed confessions and said all the long pending sorry, everyone I could recall. I explained my part and said they matter to me and said sorry. I made a new rule of not waiting for someone and loving(and helping) all lives as much as I can they. As I was taught at AOL to love someone as much as you can accept the person as almighty itself.
I took health much more seriously, not just my mother’s but mine and people around me too, I read about a lot of things and included them in practice:
- Not using plastic as much as possible
- Never use anything other than food-grade plastic(5/PP, etc)
- Not using newspaper for wrapping food or anything related to food.
- Using less oil and sugar in cooking.
- Consuming more fibre-based food for a better heart.
- Consuming more veggies and adding more meals than just Lunch and dinner in a day.
At first, it was very difficult because, I had to change habits of not just me but, all the members in the family but it did start happening after some weeks and some big heated discussions(fights).
Now, after these were taken care of, I did not stop and started adding more healthy habits to my routine and started working towards a more healthy life:
- 100+ hours of yoga/meditation and finding self
- 100+ days of cycling to work
- 100+ days of playing badminton after office
I also started working on mental health, I have lately been a short-tempered, unsatisfied and emotionally dependent kinda person. It was initially just my new job, but later managing a family and trying out to get into stupid relationships and ending up with nothing else but more sorrow. I started utilising time for better things:
- Going to meetups (PyJaipur, Quora Jaipur, Docker, etc.)
- I started learning flute and it felt amazing
- Saving money(not really)
- Travelling to beautiful cities around
- Reconnecting with people
- Art therapy: attending workshops, colouring, reading books etc.
Results and achievements:
While I was trying to be a better person for others and for myself, I wasn’t the calmest person and I did hurt people. I was also broke and a lot of people around also got affected in bad ways, but some people also got very close in this period, I found some gems from my stupid company, made friends from meetups, reconnected with school/college friends. I also had achieved some really cool things in the extra time I had:
- I did not get married :D
- Weight loss, after all the activities I lost 6–10 kgs(and gained it back lately :P)
- A beautiful setup in Jaipur, an aesthetically satisfying life
- A beautiful direction towards building a portfolio
- I am now more comfortable in saying sorry and moving on, I guess
- Did I say, now I could eat dal bati any day?
- Recently I became part of 5:00 AM club now
- Much more organisation in life and time management
- I just completed 1 million views on Quora(shameless advertising Quora)
- Made a lot of new friends, reconnected with a lot of people earlier, travelled
- A month full of [Art of] living: From attending Happiness program to learning to not say no, to volunteering and seva.
- MTX Global Inc.: Yes, new job! I found a new job in Jaipur, where I am valued and working on things I am liking(I am the Product guy, bitch :P), it’s been just 2 weeks here, but they have been super busy with work and celebrations.
I got more done than any other year, It was a great year. It wasn’t perfect obviously, there was a lot of bad things from not having those people back in life to saying too many goodbyes(Stephan Hawking and Stan Lee died too😞).
I am not stopping here obviously, I have somethings I want to work in the coming year.
- Reconnect with more people, I miss my lovely people from college and older companies, I want to meet or at least call them.
- Be more healthy, I have already signed-up for Devil circuit and working towards being able to do most tasks.
- Complete Unfinished books
- I am still short-tempered, very emotionally dependent, I need to work!
- While I have made many friends, most are not truly constants, they can not replace Jos, Sal and Abhi. I need to somehow solve it.
- and solve all new problems identified in 2018
Why did I write this whole thing?:
- When I was going through all the problem, I couldn’t share it with enough people even people whom I should have told.
- To be Nemo, I want all of us to reach the ocean. When I was going through all the problems I kept saying ‘I can do it, I can do it, I can do it’, and then I couldn’t. So, I asked for help from people around.
I want to let you know, if you need any help or just feeling low and want to talk, I promise I will not judge you, and I am available to listen to you :)
- I want to tell you that if you feel like people are not understanding your problems and they are not taking is serious, it has happened to me. As I said to reach out to someone don’t give up, try me? I know we all are fighting a war.
- Finally to say, one can’t control everything, but what you can control is your actions. Please try to work on problems one by one.